Friday, August 28, 2015

Wow, it's been a long time since I've even ventured much farther than Pinterest or Facebook lately.  I don't really know how long it's been since I've been on here but here's a quick update for those who care. Aaron graduated from the University of Utah um...2 years ago? Tristan is 7 and in 2nd grade. Olivia is 5 now, if you don't remember this don't worry she'll remind you that she's 5 now, and in ALL DAY Kindergarten. Maddison is going on 10 months.  

We haven't had much happen in a while but it seems this last year has been emotionally hard.  We decided to have another baby at the beginning of last year and were expecting November of 2014.  I had always said that once we had number 3 I would quit my job. In June we put our house up for sale and it sold in a week. The night before everything was to go through I texted my realtor and told her we couldn't go through with it. We couldn't sell our house. I had a sick feeling about selling and I've had further confirmation that we are to stay put for a while. Fortunately we were able to back out and are still in our home. I quit my job at the end of August. Aaron started a new job in September which he is now losing.  
So we are both freaking out in our own ways.  I'm a lot more vocal than he is so my freaking out is a lot more obvious. I've called my sister in tears and asked her if I could come over and help her pack as she is getting ready to move into her new house.  I found out that as long as I keep myself busy my freaking out subsides quite a bit, especially when I am focusing on others and helping them.  I have also come to realize how blessed I really am.  I live close enough to my kids school that we walk together every morning and they can walk home with friends after.  My family is all well and healthy.  My kids love rice.  We've cut back on a lot which I have noticed is harder on the parents than the kids.  I mean my kids love rice, they would eat it every day. Plain old rice with butter.  Lucky for us right now rice is cheap and it goes a long way.  I on the other hand am going nuts.  We have been eating left over pork from my sister's wedding reception. Pork. Every. Single. Day. for about the last 2 weeks. I'm close to gagging. I love food and I love a variety of food so the same thing every day is wearing on me. But I know that it won't last.  My husband will find another job and we'll be ok. 
I have also been trying to exercise my faith in my Heavenly Father that everything will work out.  I have been reading the Book of Mormon a lot more and praying several times a day pleading for answers.  I have found that my clarity in reading my scriptures has increased, I mean it was pretty much nonexistent.  I would read but not really process what I was reading.  I have found a love for the scriptures that I thought I already had.  It's awesome.  I am reading my favorite series, Tennis Shoes Among the Nephites, and I find myself debating on reading another chapter in the scriptures or my book.  I've never had that desire before and I love it. My faith still wavers from day to day.  Some days I feel very optimistic, the days Aaron has an interview, but completely down on others.  It's a roller coaster of emotions for sure.  I mean I'm pretty much in the front seat on my own roller coaster but this one has thrown twists and turns that I can't see the end of. Our Bishop spoke on Sunday and I really took to heart a part that he shared.  He said that when we feel like we've reached the end of our rope we need to realize that there is an end to that rope.  It doesn't last, our ropes have an end.  Our suffering has an end.  My roller coaster ride will end. 
Aaron is still searching for a job, he has an interview today actually.  I know that it won't last and we will be ok but I am grateful for the experiences that I am having.  I'm noticing the little ways blessings have been showing up.  Vegetables from a neighbors garden. A box of diapers, wipes and a can of formula from my sister. Texts from friends with job links.  Prayers in our behalf. Serving others to help me forget myself, but in a good way.  Even though I am going through something tough right now doesn't mean I can't help others. We all go through tough things but I know that we are being put through the refiners fire and we will come out stronger and more beautiful in the end.

Much love,